Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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