Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
