If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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