Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
