his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
