At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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