I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
