How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
