We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
