I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
