I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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