Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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