tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
