dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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