I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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