i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
