Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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