You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
