he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
