Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize