It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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