I hope mine doesn't look like that
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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