I wish I could teleport
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
