Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
