I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like, not good at living.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
