dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Even my vagina gasped.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
