dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
