All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
