i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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