We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm passing your future prison.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
