I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
