Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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