I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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