doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
