Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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