We're facebook friends in real life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
