I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
