Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
