I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
