guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
