The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
