I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
