tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
