Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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