soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
