my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
