Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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