I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
