We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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