last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
