so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
