now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
