Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
