I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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