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Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
