you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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