So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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