When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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