Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
