You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
