I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
