I seem to have left my pride at pride
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
