could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
