The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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