smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
