Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
