Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
