Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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