If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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