We won't sleep together?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
