There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
