It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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