woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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