No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
