i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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