...so i touched it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
