does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
