it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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