at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
