He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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i now understand why vodka
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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